I have a really spontaneous family too. I think what has worked for me is setting boundaries like "I need to know [three hours, a day, whatever your threshold is] before we do events like this or I may not tag along." If it's safe to be open about your struggles, be as open as possible and they'll learn to adapt to your needs. Explain that they can still be spontaneous, but these things need to be optional for you. If it feels good, go, and if it feels bad, don't.

One of the things that has helped me so much is getting earplugs. Im very sensitive to overlapping sounds and loud noises, it causes me to have meltdowns frequently. Since Ive gotten earplugs, its gotten less, which is helpful. Another thing that helps is relying on my friends/chosen family, who are aware of my sensitivies, to help me. A lot of my chosen family is also autistic, so we generally plan things at least a little bit in advance. If its resturants youre concerned about, I suggest looking at menus before hand if its a new place. That also helps me a lot. Sometimes I will also ask my partner to order for me, if Im not feeling up to it. Try not to feel pressured into socializing with strangers. Im in a lucky situation where my friends/partner understand that I wont always speak to strangers when we're out, and that its perfectly okay if I dont. Good luck! I hope you find stratagies that help you. It may be helpful to comunicate that you would like some warning in advance, before plans, even if its just a few hours, so you can sit and process. I find that it helps me.

I struggle with this as well. I like the advice that all of the people above gave. One thing I would add is to maybe put together a bag of everything you might need on an outing ahead of time and put it by the door. Make sure you have noise cancelling headphones, snacks you like etc. This could help ease some of your anxiety when a plan is sprung on you. I also want to emphasize communicating with people in your life about your anxiety. Maybe you can find a compromise with those spontaneous planners about giving you a better heads up. Hope that helps!! 💗💗💗