I recommend stress or fidget toys it helps me the most

First, I need to know your age. Only share it if you're OK with doing so. Much of the hatred of medications comes from lack of understanding of them, and many medical professionals (especially allopathic doctors, or MDs) like to try many different treatments with a patient before they know what is right. If you are educated on substances, though, you can be one-step ahead of that (quite frankly) shitty experience! For example, I knew that Abilify was a bad idea for me and tried to warn the (fucking physiatrist) on prescribing me that medication. I took it for a few days just to show him how bad it would be. It was terrible enough that I discontinued it on my own. It turns out that antipsychotics and ADHD pills are stupid to prescribe together, which was obvious to me from the start. STUDY THE DRUGS BEFORE YOU LET THEM PRESCRIBE ANYTHING. I've relied on drugs so long that idk how to help you. Maybe try ECT? Hypnosis? Meditation? Hypnosis is better for us because it forces us to focus in on a distraction.