So a few years ago I was diagnosed with bpd I don't take any medication, my moods change so quickly and it can be triggered easily, I recently had to get rid of someone from my life because they made my life hell and I noticed now that they aren't here I feel more like me, but is bpd all known for anger and rage, but im not like that, I do get thoughts of is the world better without me here and all that, I'm trying to get a therapist but the place I wanna go to is a phone call only place cause of covid but I'd much prefer an in person, I would also like to mention I do lie alot and I get away with it a few years ago i did have a therapist for 2 years and i kept things away such as my ods and all that they let me go cause they said i was doing better but i wasnt when they called to tell me they didnt need to see me i cried cause i knew i had lied to them about how i was feeling but I feel I'm at a point that I need help, can I please have some advice