thank you

I do have a therapist although I haven't started actual therapy yet. I am good at realizing when my thoughts are not realistic but I do have slip ups. Even when I felt like everything was "done to me" I would just separate myself from my ex when we where together so I don't take it out on him. But nothing was ever good enough. I couldn't always tell if it was in my head or not so if I had impulse emotions I'd journal them but he'd read my journals and blow up on me for talking about him. I think he might be an abusive BPD person and he was scary to be around. He would lie and gaslight me, torment and harass me. He was violent and aggressive but only did physical harm 1 time. Even after he broke up with me he made fake accounts so stalk and harass me online. He lied to me and then tried to cover it up and told me I was crazy. He was my FP and he used that to his advantage.

I am seeing a therapist I just haven't started actual sessions yet. Thank you for your advice