I honestly just let myself sleep

so I recently got diagnosed with Asd I have a major fear of being alone/rejection my entire life I don't cope well alone have struggled to find love but is the main reason I want to be loved as I cope much better with a careing and understanding women I never feel safe even in my own home or in public my brain associates being in solitude with pain ive struggled financially or to provide that security for myself not being able to hold a Job ive tried many things to maintain my happiness but I can't seem to enjoy myself is their anyone who allso is going through this

so im goin to tell you I.used to think my partner was the one not opening up turns out I was the one hurting her and closed and I was blameing her not seeing it cause I convinced myself it was her not me healing starts with you I belive this will help any man/women who allso is dealing with this within their self recently I've just been getting therapy Beacuse ive figured out it was me I was diagnosed with autism recently so I've been on a self healing journey I recently worked out that being in solitude my brain associates it with pain and trauma due to past and childhood trauma allso I have a fear of abandonedment/rejection I hope this helps as your partner may he experiencing this but may not be aware or struggles to trust dealing with this has helped my relationship significantly the intimacy returned my partner no longer withdraws from time with me instead she works with me to understand and help me heal I've now been able to connect with her emotionally without the fear but it still their I just learned to manage it better I hope this helps