Oh yes, it hurts. Having BPD makes it a disaster. It's okay though. This is a good time for divorce. Any longer wouldn't have been good. You're airing out the laundry now, getting the sunlight on things that have been buried. I still love my ex wife too, even though she also fell out of love with me. Mine is forever, and that's okay. Love doesn't need anything. It just is. And love is infinite. You will love more people, even if your first love never falters. We are full of love. We are infinite fountains of it. I'm sorry you have to move as well. Instability is terrible. But when your foot leaves the ground, it can take you to interesting new places where you can learn a lot and start a new chapter in your life story. It's okay for it to be hard right now. It will get easier over time, but you don't need to rush the process. Allow yourself to say "This sucks and I hate it." Talk to friends and family. Get whatever closure you can with your ex, and don't forget to ask what kind of relationship they want going forward. We often assume exes never speak to eachother again, but is that natural? I'm good friends with my ex, we're practically siblings. I might even move in with her girlfriend. We can do that because only our romantic relationship was broken, so once we removed that, we gained our friendship back. It was a healthy, refreshing move. I'm still sad about it, and she knows I still love her, but my pain now is so much less than it had been when I was struggling to try to get her to love me back when we were married. It's much better to be rid of my expectations. I still think she's a jerk, but her problems are no longer my problems! Maybe that won't apply to you, sorry. Either way, know that you will be okay, and there's better people to get married to out there. Maybe a lot more. I've met so many wonderful people in the dating scene since my divorce. Just keep living your life and being good to yourself, and date again if/when you're ready. Good luck!