It might not sound very helpful but I found this works for me, at least a little bit, I communicate to that person that I am feeling this way. Let them know you can't help it. In my mind, a problem shared is a problem lessened.

as someone else mentioned, mention this to your partner! the two of you can work on a solution if you find that helpful

I don't have the answer. I'm in a similar place. I think this is where my ocd & my insecure attachment style run hed on into one another. I have been leaving myself notes on my phone that are lists of all the reasons I should interpret my partner through a kinder lens. there is one note that said "remember this feeling. Im happy and optimistic about the future. " Also my favorite thought stopping technique is to scream stop(in my head if necessary) and imagine a stop sign flying towards my face.