I wish I had advice for you but I unfortunately am in the same boat (not the same type of ocd, but it sounds like a lot of similar thought patterns and cycles with different content). The best I can do is offer you a virtual hug and let you know you’re not crazy, other people are out there just like you, and you can look into meds/types of therapy that won’t get rid of it but will help. I was in an unrecognizable, really eerie state for the entirety of 2018 and am still doing badly, but there is an extreme difference in my 2018 self and how I was feeling and acting several months later with Prozac (now Zoloft) and talk therapy. CBT has helped me somewhat too but I need to really commit to that to see results. I’m here for you and hope your journey gets easier soon!

Exposure Response Prevention Therapy (ERP) is helpful but you have to be 100% committed because it is very hard. I'm not ready for it personally. ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) is also really helpful and is what I work with a therapist about. I have some similar thoughts that you're describing. It's so hard to focus on the things that actually matter bc the compulsions take up so much time! One of the main things in ACT is mindfulness. It can help a lot to stay in the moment and refocus on what is happening and get out of your head! OCD is a major jerk. Changing little habits and doing small exposures is a good start. What I have started doing is to list walk away from what compulsion I'm acting on or what I'm starting at obsessing over. It is hard as stone but it gets easier. Always keep fighting!