I snuggle up with my kids and watch a Disney movie. But when it's just me I like to listen to my music that is uplifting to try and mellow put the depression. Hang in there, I know it is hard but you are stronger than you know. And sometimes it's okay to not be strong just make sure that when you are done not being strong you come back. Don't get lost there. There is too much waiting for you in this world. I don't know you but know my heart is with you.

I had this struggle too. Still do. I just recently got a job after not having one for 4 years. I'm scared shirtless because I have never been able to hold a job because of my bpd. But I told myself I was going to try because God damn it I'm going to do it. I don't agree with staying in a position that drains to much from you. Idk where you are located but there are a lot of work from home places now days. I just found one through a friend. I would do some research see what's out there. Find something to fit you better that allows you to gain experience without requiring your to have much to start. It's going to be hard, but it is worth it. Your peace and happiness is so worth it.

Try to make myself do something I enjoy, even if it's just a hot bath. I especially try to get myself out of the house to spend time with people who's company I enjoy, or if I can't get myself out then invite them over. Snuggles with the cats helps too.