me too self awareness can be a good and bad thing

I developed delusional parasitosis after a nervous breakdown a couple years ago. I've convinced my loved ones that it's all gone a while ago, even though it comes back quite often, but luckily is way more intense than it used to be. Yes, it's horrific for me, but it hurts to see them feel so helpless against something that's ailing me. So I have to be strong to protect them from feeling there is nothing they can do to save me from the invisible parasites. I'll catch myself at the mirror picking at my skin or lint Rolling my sheets and I know it's not real, I understand that, and then I do my best to self soothe. I've created a safe space in my house where I can go. I'll make myself a cup of chamomile tea or take some passion flower extract and if it's really bad, one of the Xanax I was prescribed for panic attacks. I have an SOS kit with the meds I need, calming essential oil, alcohol wipes, sensory toys and a little bit of all the helpful things I could think of for grounding myself. It's about being as gentle with myself as I can, avoiding negative self talk and giving myself every last drop of compassion I have in me. This stuff sucks. There will be days in a row that I'll be fine, sometimes a couple weeks even and then something triggers it and even the hair touching my neck feels like something crawling on me. The best way I can cope is having small routines to follow and being the one who gently tells me that everything is ok and I am safe, this will pass soon.