This may be redundant but if you haven't, try telehealth for finding a provider for while you're in a bad place. It's not ideal because all sorts of things can go wrong tech-wise, but it's more accessable while you're feeling awful. I use Dr. On Demand and I've not done great with psychiatrists but I do love my therapist! If possible as well, just try to tackle one small self care thing a day. I know it's tough but you deserve to treat yourself like luxury and doing things for self care makes me feel like I'm treating myself like the luxury I want to believe I am