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Oh goodness, I'm so very sorry. I looked at our aliveness and noticed that we share a couple psychiatric diagnoses. You have done very well not having a breakdown. You are strong!

I meant aliveness, not aliveness. Lol

Omg it did it again! Alikeness!

Hecate, I’m right there with you. Only I did have a break down last year. My trauma started in early childhood and has continued into adulthood. I only recently decided to take control back.

Since I was 8 I noticed I was a little different than other children around me and Until a few years ago I would always think “ what is wrong with me” it wasn’t until the summer of 2020 I found out nothing had been wrong with me my brain is it’s wired different and Im managing another personality. A friend of mine at the time helped me through a difficult situation… my husband walked out on me while i was taking a nap for someone else and made me homeless my friend helped me pick up my pieces and helped me see I wasn’t broken. ( he was diagnosed with 12 personalities) we started dating in December and everything was going good for me, and him finally….or so I thought my love took his own life while at work in September of 2021 and I wanted nothing than to follow him but I refused to let my kids feel that kind of pain. It’s still very hard his birthday just passed.

My heart goes out to you. And unfortunately it will always be hard. But it does get easier… more manageable. Just gotta keep reminding yourself that you’re stronger than you think! I can tell you already have a good head on your shoulders. Sometimes our love for our children will get us through so much!

I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Epstein Barr Virus, Celiac Disease, and a form of POTS Syndrome called Mast Cell Dysautonomia which affects every organ. My EBV has been active for one full year while the form of POTS I have kept getting worse too! This triggered my Chronic PTSD! No longer being able to do what I used to could do! It’s frustrating and heartbreaking. I have had to get back into therapy to learn coping skills I never learned back when I was diagnosed with PTSD I was relying on the meds instead. Nope! Can’t do that!! Luckily since I haven’t been able to work since January my dr found me an amazing trauma therapist for free!! Best therapist I have ever been too! You never know when God shows His hand in your life ! Just now it’s ok! I understand how you feel. Illnesses are traumatic! Remember God still has a plan for you regardless of the situation your in. He knows what your going through! What I do is since I can’t get out of bed until my meds kick in. I wake up an hour prior take my meds reset my alarm and stay in bed and pray and meditate or just constantly pray until my meds kick in and I get up and it makes my day better! Keeping a close relationship to the only one who knows what you are truly going through, feeling, thinking, who knows your heart and your thoughts and all your pain and suffering is the One you want to stay connected to if not just for you but for others! I pray for others more than I do for myself. It’s a blessing. Remember Christ hung on the cross for 9 hours for you! Not just all of us but for your pain and suffering so He too knows! The price has been paid already you don’t need to relive your illness in your mind constantly. He already did but easier said than done when that’s all you feel and can’t do so you stay close in prayer and help others more in the way you can! But you must help yourself before you can help others. Counseling helps big time when dealing with any illness!! Try to focus on your blessings instead of what you don’t have or can’t do in the moment. Try to do one task a day or project. Write in a journal three things you are grateful for and write how you feel. Draw a circle put a word of how your feel that moment or day or something that’s bothering you and put 3 lines outside each side of the circle. On the right side put why you feel this way? On the other side write why not to feel this way? Such as suicide. You would like why you feel like doing it? Other side why you should not do it? Kids, pets, friends, family, goals, faith, power of prayer are a few example of why you shouldn’t do it the why not!? Putting this down in writing is therapeutic but after your done you are going to shred it and throw it away! It’s done it’s over it’s been compartmentalized and you don’t need to think about it again!! Or feel it! I know if I feel first before I think I see the truth rather than thinking which will affect my feelings which is not a true perception. God speaks to our hearts where we feel so try to feel fury then think about what your feeling then decide how you want to communicate that or not. So what I do is I also feel others when I communicate with them. My intuition abs gut and heart doesn’t lie to me but my thoughts can play tricks. So as I communicate I first make sure I listen to the other person so they know they are being heard then I let them know I understand them and sympathize with them if you do this you will always get it right back in return from the other person. This is the right way to communicate. We all want to be heard and understood and so we all should be! It’s respect! Trust and God will guide you to always know the truth when you feel first! I pray this helps you in some way as I know exactly what you are going through and feel! You are not alone!!! 🙏❤️to you!

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