Oof, this is the reason I choose not to go back to school (besides the horrendous bills). You're not alone. This seems like you have trauma related to school of some kind, and may have been gaslit into thinking you're stupid or inadequate by those who were around you when you were a child. I want you to know that the actions of those people were not right. They abused you. You are not stupid, you are not useless, and you are not any less important than other students. School is not a "one size fits all" thing. Look into getting accommodations if you can, maybe get assessments done for learning disabilities or anything related, like ASD, ADHD, and OCD can all contribute to trouble with school. I believe in you, you've got this!