Yes I go through this all the time. I’m sorry you’re going through the same thing.

I do this a lot... for me, I constantly gaslight myself about the people who would gaslight me. I absolutely hate it and wish I could stop

Oh yeah, I think its because your brain is telling you that it needs to heal so if you lie to yourself that it'll hurt less, its wrong, you still have a chance to heal so it WILL hurt less

I have panic attacks and then feel embarrassed and feel like I was wrong to have the panic attack and that it is not justified because "nobody else is having a panic attack"

I can relate...breathing techniques (breathe control) has really been helpful...I'm now focused on mastering...As with everything worthwhile -it takes time. Hang in there, and if possible stay focused more on your breathing, and less on others around (half the time they're concerned about themselves in the moment, anyway) 😏 Smile 🙂

My ptsd stems from my sister using my name constantly when stopped by cops so I constantly get paranoid and panic around cops

Yeah, this sort of thing is a huge part of my ptsd. My brain actually repressed the memories of my trauma for a while and then re-released them, and suddenly having all these new memories was so strange and hard to believe... it all feels very distant at times. Trust your heart, not your doubts. What is bothering you did happen.

Yes. So very painful and confusing when thinking of it all.

That's a normal trauma response. Until you can mentally handle it your brain forces a certain illusion feeling and/or makes you forget all together

Yes, it took me 13 years to accept that it happened and I was only able to do so with a great therapist