This is a hard question. Seizures, especially the first one, are hard to deal with. My situation is a bit different, as mine are caused by epilepsy, so I don't know what treatment options, if any, you'll be using. But I do understand the emotional trauma that comes with them. The best thing you can do is self-care and talking about it with someone you trust. I know that second part is particularly difficult, but keeping it to yourself does not help, trust me. Personally, I went through the grieving process. I was angry for a long, long time. Whatever you're feeling is 100% valid. You are allowed to be upset. There is no 'right way' to handle this. Just don't deny what you are feeling, and don't take any negative emotions out on yourself or anyone else. And you aren't alone in this. Find someone you can vent to, explain your worries to in more detail, ask for advice. Whether it's someone on here, someone somewhere else online, a friend/family member in real life, or a therapist, find someone who will listen. As hard as it is, working through it is the most helpful thing you can do and get you to that positivity on a more steady basis. Anything short of that is likely just a temporary fix. But those temporary fixes--such as doing things you enjoy--are great to help, as long as you don't use them in place of working through it. I hope this helps at least a little. I'm willing to listen if you need me. ❤️