Hi everyone, I'm new here. And I'm also new to BPD, having just received this new diagnosis a few months ago, and I'm still trying to figure it all out. but right now my depression is really getting to me. I try to stay positive but right now that's impossible. even tho I live with someone, I still spend almost 100% of my time alone in my room. most of my friends are dead and the couple that aren't are not around. I don't have family that I see and my kids don't even call me. I can't hold a job due to anxiety, depression and mood swings so I am completely dependent on the man I live with (my ex boyfriend) and that makes everything else even worse. I've been on several medications in the past but I'm not currently taking anything because the last doctor I saw wouldn't prescribe me gabapentin because I used marijuana to help with my symptoms. now I have no idea what to do. I no longer have health insurance and with no income that makes seeing a real mental health professional extremely difficult if not impossible. I'm so tired of sitting here feeling like my life is already over and I'm nothing more than a burden. any advice?