Sorry you’re struggling. That’s a lot to handle. My advice and what I told myself when I was in inpatient and IOP was just show up. Made it non-negotiable in my head and told myself I’ve gotta do it now or later so might as well do it now. Keep showing up and changes come. You don’t have to see the whole picture nor will you as you’re going thru it. It sounds like you’re in survival mode (I could be wrong tho) by saying it’s too much to handle. From my experience it was a lot to handle. And getting help is a lot no matter how you do it adds on more work than to focus on surviving and managing on your own and not everyone knows what is actually best for you or work for you. But it’s part of the process and advocate for yourself and try to make it as easy and beneficial as you can so you can truly find what works for you. That’s why I got so anxious is that I had the idea getting help and getting better would be easier than dealing alone but it’s absolutely not. I had to take charge of myself and advocate for what was best for me in treatment. Like they would have me do exposure therapy and if I was in a bad place going into it it was horrific and made me worse, but when I was in a good place going in it helped and made me more resilient. So I refuse exposure therapy now when I’m not in a good place. The point is for me to get better and I do that differently than most. That was important for me to accept and show up to deal with my shit and realize either way is hard- sick or healthy, in control or not in control, so choose your hard and what will actually help you get better. All you have to do is just show up and keep trying everyday. One day at a time and one step at a time. You got this🙏🏻💕