I've noticed that when I'm having serious talks or even talking to my therapist I've recently noticed, I do avoid looking at her to try and keep my thoughts focused. And I think for me personally, my parents always yelled at me and when it was an argument or serious talk, I always got shut down and any answer I gave was talking back. I think that has filtered through into any serious talk I have now with anyone, to where maybe subconsciously I'm healing like I'm being braided essentially. I have not looked into any fixes on this, but it's probably something I should bring up to my therapist. I'm sorry I can't offer any advice, but I understand what you're going through and I'm here for you

these are both telltale signs of autism & adhd!