Also the last 7 months have been full bed ridden depression. And so much guilt that I can’t get it together that ya know it adds to the depression

hi. honestly I’m still a student delaying my graduation knowing I’m not ready for a full time job. I’m late to work always with having trouble sleeping and loosing track of time with my own thoughts always mentally exhausted. When I get to work I’m great depending on the job and people. I’m in between 3 part time jobs. School which is great they are so understanding and ask no questions. With my retail position they aren’t the happiest with my time management but even rough customers I can deal with. My manager even told me at work I’m great. It hurts when I’m at really low days and customers notice. But my coworkers make a world of a difference. At my internship I almost quit I’m only working twice a month I find myself throwing up after work there and with constant anxiety. I’m finding that it’s important to be upfront at work with who you are and what you need and happens to you. It’s ok to fail at jobs and it isn’t the easiest to get one. but to be productive and have long term jobs you really need to find the one that allows you to grow. Holding jobs with bipolar is in itself classified as a disability. Communication is key in the future. but I do need to practice what I’m preaching. I guess what I’m getting at is it is rough. rough to know that you can’t control how you feel and the barriers that stop you from being like others. To have motivation and feel successful and think that such episodes have to haunt your future. you can never look back. it’s more so what kind of place can you find that will be flexible and understanding to your needs without triggering you. My friend has a job at a mental health facility he knows how to help others and they understand when he needs to step away and take days off. It isn’t easy. but I always tell myself if it’s bad it may get worse but at some point before I had to deal with my current situation there was a point in time where I was okay. so it’s important to remember why you were ok. who did you interact with. Journal to rationalize your thoughts. Is what your going through as big as it seems. Journal and list a section. What’s bad. What’s been better. What do I want. What privileges do I have. How can I be or have what I need. take the focus out of what you want. What do you need in a career to be happy. What do you need in the moment to be more self sufficient. I dread having to hang out with people. I’ll isolate myself. But I take steps. I go to the movies where I am not alone but in no need of interaction. Just company. From there my friends understand I may want to grab food or coffee or I may want to go home and recoop. I may just ft someone and watch a movie knowing they are there. I have a way out. I’m not lonely even if I’m alone. I’m not sure if this helps. but I hope you get everything you need. it’ll get better maybe not in the way you want. but in the way things are supposed to. Be ok with it not turning out how you planned or want. Take opportunities as they come.